What are the Odds

That I'd meet the same heart,
Beat of the same soul,
Being on the same path,
Way to the same thought...

When you said you want to sleep with me,
I heard you say you want to be with me,
In ways not known to most,
Beyond the conscious meeting,
Of body and mind.

6:36am

I Am Not Ashamed Of My Tears

They tell of the way
My heart clenches
Painfully aching
At the thought that you left, Nzalu
You really did leave
This has not been a bad dream
This is the truth
This is real
One year reeling
Without you.

They tell of the way
My forehead heats up
And my eyes turn red
Falling
At the memory
Of walking to you,
Looking as you smiled
That half smile that was so you
And asking God silently
To bring you back,
Because this is a lie!

They tell of the way
They puddled on my pillow
Night after night
Silently flowing
To the pain of each heartbeat
Floating through the days
Everything in slow motion
Like a distant scene
Of a slow and silent movie
A horror movie
With no sound

They tell of the way
My soul wraps arms around me
Rocking to the pain
Coursing through me
Feel the pain
Feel the pain
There is no way out
But through the pain... I read
Feel the pain.

Let them mark their way 

Hot and swift down my face
Puddle at my chin
Clump up my lashes,
Blur my sight
As I hold you
Call you
Disbelieving.
Asking God for a miracle...
Feel the pain
Feel the pain
There is no way out
But through the heartache...I read
Feel the pain.

They tell of the way
Time does not heal
The ache is real
The memory remains vivid
Every minute
Every touch
Every thing
The pain is real
There is no way out
But through the pain...
Feel the pain
Feel the pain.

They tell of the way
My spirit knows
With every one
Every ache
Every pang
That through it all
The Almighty knew
And He watched
And said that this is just for a while
Because eternity is ours
To have you for ever
And ever
Amen.

21 May 2020

1225

I write...

  

For reasons mostly...

For experiences.

For pain.

For hurt.

For tears.

For excitement.

If you know me, you know me...

It is two weeks to the end of the year 2019

And,
Thus far the Lord has brought us.

I fight feelings of distress,
As I think of leaving behind the year
And the most traumatic happening of my year;
Loosing you.

I remember you...

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

I remember you...

I remember you.
I loved you so much.
Yours was a ready smile, dimpled cheeks, 

lovely teeth on a chocolate coloured face.
I remember the smile.
You loved me, you were my friend, 

you were everybody's friend.

I am not certain where I sourced this from...the words are not mine, I share them hoping they will reach you as they did me.


Child's Ten Commandments to Parents

1. My hands are small. Please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short. Please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have. Please let me explore safely. Don't restrict me unnecessarily.

3. Housework will always be there. I'm only little for such a short time. Please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.

4. My feelings are tender. Please be sensitive to my needs. Don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.

5. I am a special gift from God. Please treasure me, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.

6. I need your encouragement and your praise to grow. Please go easy on the criticism. Remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday, I'll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.

8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me with my brother or my sister.

9. Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

• 10. Please take me to worship regularly, setting a good example for me to follow.

This is what #FierceAndFabulous@41 looks like...

I've been planning my 40th birthday party for a year and several months.
Yes, I did say 40th.

The amount of thought and planning that went into it (in my head) took so long, that my 41st year came around. But since one of my life's mantras is to 'Resist the Usual' I thought I might as well start the trend #FierceAndFabulous@41 birthday to-dos.

So here is a little bit of the fun and beauty of all that went down.

#ifikiewazazi...

.🙆🙅..we the parents have refused to parent our children!

We were never meant to be pals with our kids. Friends, yes. A friend who will read the riot act, call me out, discipline me, refuse to let me watch questionable program content, listen to questionable music content, or to let me talk how I want, sijui attitude, sijui dress like which musicians, dance like which others,  etc and we think the children will not take it to the next level?

Bring back the 'shady' parents and parenting methods our parents brought up back with! The reason we are all so appalled at this is because we know what to do about this and where we as parents and guardians and have gone wrong because we were brought up right.

So as people keep sharing and retweeting, and commenting and getting traumatised, can they make some very concrete desicions on what they will allow or not allow their children to do from this day forth AND commit to doing this. If not, let them keep getting traumatised and keep retweeting...this iceberg tip has only just began to show.

Know that your children may be alright but the kids they hang out with may not be. Parent not only your child but your children's friends. They will thank you later...just as you now thank the parents and adults around you whom you considered 'not cool' then, for bring you up so well.

Standing in the spray of the founts around Jomo's statue
...things I have taken for granted...
Today I stop and stand.
I want to kick off these heels,
But this is not holy ground.

Hell Hath No Fury than a Mum scorned...

I'm telling you! She sold herself very well...A Mama. 42 years old. Three kids. Seriously looking for stability. We agreed after two interviews, the second being a face to face, on two weeks of training (her suggestion) and 3 months probation (mine). We then came home.

Do not disrespect Lucy!

'...and we have a puncture, Mum', Robe said...
'What!'
'When did you see it!?'
'Which wheel!? '
'Woi, and you are telling me now...?' I groaned as we ate our ice-cream. 

It was late but Aunty Koki had loudly suggested ice-cream in the hearing of several sweet-toothed people so we had to.

Of handcuffs and the slow arm of the law...

I slid down the column and sat on my heels. The seat that I had taken two steps towards was quickly occupied by the man. He did not even bother to take look in my direction, but then competition for the seats was high...There were six seats for the close to 30 or so people standing around in the corridor or jostling at the door held slightly open by the court bailiff.
I had walked in circles to find this court number 9. I found 7 and 8, then turned a corner and came to a dead end.

It's too late now...

Buy me those flowers…while I can stil bury my nose in their petals, and smile in the mist of their sweet scent.

Give me that hug, real and present…while I can yet wrap my arms around you and be with you in that moment.

Kiss me, while I can still lift my head, and close my eyes, and smile at the gentleness of your touch.

Bring me that scent, that you’d like me to wear…while I can still spray it in the air, and walk through the shower of misty droplets and feel as they fall lightly on me...and think of you…

Be with me…now.

Don’t wait till it’s too late.

I Promised I'd Sing This Song...

So I ran to the office and asked Julius to Google and find me a recording studio, 'I must sing today!' I said… and he did! And we called and I wanted to go right away but their programmer was not in...Drat!

So we booked for the next day, '...be here by 10am!' she said. I was there at 10am and the programmer was still in....Pipeline!!!!

...My Hot Blue, Reasonably High, Patent Leather Heels

Having walked all the way from Upperhill, all I wanted to do was kick of my heels and take a large much of HLG, my throat had been acting up all day and the undecided weather did not help...nor did the dust along the way.

I am grey!

Tall,

Dark,

Grey!

I know, you'd think I'm too old to sport grey

But guess what? I do.

10 things to do in the dark of the Syokimau train...

1. Walk down the aisle, jumping across outstretched legs, hoping not to step on one as you make you're way towards the dark empty couches at the back.

Java. Nkt!

When I walked into Java on Koinange street a second time, it was because I had decided that I would review the place, spread the word and tell on them!
I chose a different seat this time, the empty couch on the side under the large painting of a street lined with houses; on the first house hung a sign written in Chinese, Japanese, Portuguese, smelling cheese... I hoped that now, in my bright pink sweater, and in the middle of the room, I might be noticed sooner by the good waitresses.

I’m jealous of Lupita…

I can’t stand the way the world is grovelling at her feet,
as she smiles and poses
In amazing swathes of brightly coloured fabric
Stitched into awe inspiring silhouettes
In the moody light of the famous fashion photographers’ studios

I cry for you.

I am angry!

I am so mad right now.

I want to cry. I want to sit at a corner, hold myself and cry! Not muffled sobs that no one will hear,  but loud screams, heart wrenching and body shaking screams! I want to throw myself on the ground and stand up and throw myself down again and again….if only to take the pain away.

My heart aches. My soul cries out.

For every child and every woman, with child or in their sunset years. For every single woman and child who had to experience Westgate. For every mother who bled and every child who cried, my tears cannot be shed enough to release this pain that my heart has refused to let go of!

I cry for you! I cry with you!

For anyone who has nobody to cry with them, I cry with you.

I am still angry! I am still mad!

May time pass

May the pain fade

And

May my tears dry

But only as soon as yours do

God have mercy on us!